Asheville Bar Cycle part II
a play
(Narrator is seated center stage, There are also two chairs set facing each other somewhere else)
Narrator: When we last saw Jackie Jibby loo boo, he was still having trouble finding the bar all of his friends were at. In fact, he was very late to the party, and the girl Jackie had wanted to buy a drink for had already begun fantasizing about being penetrated by Jackie’s clever and less pretentious friend, Derek.
But Jackie had made a new friend in Marcus Carnation Gingersnoob, who was just as friendly as everyone said, and twice as crafty.
(Marcus Carnation enters craftily)
Marcus: Jackie! Where are you?
(Jackie enters)
Jackie: Here I am, Marcus Carnation. Did you find anything?
Marcus: Nothing yet, but I thought we could take a break, too much walking is bad for my tendons. I know a good spot over there where I hid some vodka.
(while the narrator talks, Marcus and Jackie sit in the chairs and pretend to talk. Marcus hands Jackie the vodka. Jackie loves vodka, it’s like snow-melt)
Narrator: So Marcus Carnation Gingersnoob led Jackie Jibby Loo Boo to his secret hole by the old ice factory, which smelled like lavender and rice water. The moon was waning its gibbous, and the hole was warm and moist, like the inside of a mouth. There were many smooth, shining rocks, that were smooth and dry to the touch.
Jackie Jibby Loo Boo and Marcus Carnation Gingersnoob talked for a long time about how quiet downtown looks in the middle of rainy, winter nights, about the migration of birds from Central America to the Appalachians, about the challenges and illogical heroics of space travel.
(Narrator reads his magazine)
Marcus: I like dreaming of spacewalks. I remember being underwater a lot, and there’s that wooshy sound and everything moves real slow. You think those astronauts could touch the earth from up there?
Jackie: (taking a drink) I heard Ed White took off his glove, and reached down at the stratosphere. He said it felt like hot bathwater, too hot to take a bath in. (takes another drink)
Jee wiz Marcus Carnation! This Vodka is delicious. It tastes like iron and snow. I can feel it in my veins like little snakes.
(Jackie gets sleepy as Marcus tells this story. By the end Jackie falls asleep and falls out of his chair)
Marcus: I got it at a food truck behind Root Bar #2, called the Dog Mother. I was asking for a little change around the tables, and this jingle-eared dickball with a tattoo of florida on his face started calling me ugly names. So I told him that his mom had a vagina in her butt. And that its name was Emmanuel, and that it remembered the shape of every cock that fucked it. And that its ejaculate was worth its weight in platinum to those that know its value as an anti-inflammatory ointment. And that it’s said that he had another brother that was birthed out of Emmanuel in 1976. And that I met him in charlotte at a Parliament Funkadelic concert. And that he had the most soothing voice I have ever heard. And that he said to me that the acid he took was making him racist. And I asked him if he had heard from his brother since then. (Jackie falls out of his chair)
Good boy, Jackie. Sleep deep in your baby lamb sleep. (to audience) Now is my chance to take out his curdled heart and shave my face with the same blade. Take his clothes, and take my place at the table with his friends. Now where did I put that knife?
(Marcus looks for his favorite knife)
Narrator: Jackie Jibby Loo Boo had no idea that Marcus Carnation Gingersnoob had actually given him Magic Vodka, traded for 3 gallons of river water at the secret food truck behind root bar #2. But luckily for Jackie, Marcus Carnation Gingersnoob had forgotten that he also traded his favorite knife for a chicken gyro at the very same secret food truck.
Marcus: Well, I can’t find my knife anywhere! Looks like I’ll have to chew out his heart with my teeth and fingers.
Angel of Simple Machines: (from audience) Hold it right there Gingersnoob!
Marcus: Who are you? Why do you glow like laminate?
Angel: I’m the Angel of Simple Machines. I happened to be watching while all of this happened, and decided that it went on long enough. Everything going on is very stupid, you should both-
Jackie, wake up! (he does)
You should both go sit down.
Narrator: And so the Angel of Simple Machines saved Jackie Jibby Loo Boo from a certain death. And the play ended.
Done
a play
(Narrator is seated center stage, There are also two chairs set facing each other somewhere else)
Narrator: When we last saw Jackie Jibby loo boo, he was still having trouble finding the bar all of his friends were at. In fact, he was very late to the party, and the girl Jackie had wanted to buy a drink for had already begun fantasizing about being penetrated by Jackie’s clever and less pretentious friend, Derek.
But Jackie had made a new friend in Marcus Carnation Gingersnoob, who was just as friendly as everyone said, and twice as crafty.
(Marcus Carnation enters craftily)
Marcus: Jackie! Where are you?
(Jackie enters)
Jackie: Here I am, Marcus Carnation. Did you find anything?
Marcus: Nothing yet, but I thought we could take a break, too much walking is bad for my tendons. I know a good spot over there where I hid some vodka.
(while the narrator talks, Marcus and Jackie sit in the chairs and pretend to talk. Marcus hands Jackie the vodka. Jackie loves vodka, it’s like snow-melt)
Narrator: So Marcus Carnation Gingersnoob led Jackie Jibby Loo Boo to his secret hole by the old ice factory, which smelled like lavender and rice water. The moon was waning its gibbous, and the hole was warm and moist, like the inside of a mouth. There were many smooth, shining rocks, that were smooth and dry to the touch.
Jackie Jibby Loo Boo and Marcus Carnation Gingersnoob talked for a long time about how quiet downtown looks in the middle of rainy, winter nights, about the migration of birds from Central America to the Appalachians, about the challenges and illogical heroics of space travel.
(Narrator reads his magazine)
Marcus: I like dreaming of spacewalks. I remember being underwater a lot, and there’s that wooshy sound and everything moves real slow. You think those astronauts could touch the earth from up there?
Jackie: (taking a drink) I heard Ed White took off his glove, and reached down at the stratosphere. He said it felt like hot bathwater, too hot to take a bath in. (takes another drink)
Jee wiz Marcus Carnation! This Vodka is delicious. It tastes like iron and snow. I can feel it in my veins like little snakes.
(Jackie gets sleepy as Marcus tells this story. By the end Jackie falls asleep and falls out of his chair)
Marcus: I got it at a food truck behind Root Bar #2, called the Dog Mother. I was asking for a little change around the tables, and this jingle-eared dickball with a tattoo of florida on his face started calling me ugly names. So I told him that his mom had a vagina in her butt. And that its name was Emmanuel, and that it remembered the shape of every cock that fucked it. And that its ejaculate was worth its weight in platinum to those that know its value as an anti-inflammatory ointment. And that it’s said that he had another brother that was birthed out of Emmanuel in 1976. And that I met him in charlotte at a Parliament Funkadelic concert. And that he had the most soothing voice I have ever heard. And that he said to me that the acid he took was making him racist. And I asked him if he had heard from his brother since then. (Jackie falls out of his chair)
Good boy, Jackie. Sleep deep in your baby lamb sleep. (to audience) Now is my chance to take out his curdled heart and shave my face with the same blade. Take his clothes, and take my place at the table with his friends. Now where did I put that knife?
(Marcus looks for his favorite knife)
Narrator: Jackie Jibby Loo Boo had no idea that Marcus Carnation Gingersnoob had actually given him Magic Vodka, traded for 3 gallons of river water at the secret food truck behind root bar #2. But luckily for Jackie, Marcus Carnation Gingersnoob had forgotten that he also traded his favorite knife for a chicken gyro at the very same secret food truck.
Marcus: Well, I can’t find my knife anywhere! Looks like I’ll have to chew out his heart with my teeth and fingers.
Angel of Simple Machines: (from audience) Hold it right there Gingersnoob!
Marcus: Who are you? Why do you glow like laminate?
Angel: I’m the Angel of Simple Machines. I happened to be watching while all of this happened, and decided that it went on long enough. Everything going on is very stupid, you should both-
Jackie, wake up! (he does)
You should both go sit down.
Narrator: And so the Angel of Simple Machines saved Jackie Jibby Loo Boo from a certain death. And the play ended.
Done